Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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