Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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