So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
