Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
