Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
