I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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