So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
