when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't deserve a penis
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
