3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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