You're so nebulous sometimes
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
