you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
whose parrot is this?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
