I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
