I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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