She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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