So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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