i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
