I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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