I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
