I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
