I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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