Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
