"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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