no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want nice things and good sex
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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