Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i wish my penis had a tongue
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
