I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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