P.S. I can't hear my feet
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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