If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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