those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
