Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
