I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
