I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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