i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
