I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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