Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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