HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
