Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
