Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Even my vagina gasped.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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