Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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