Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
be right there i have to get my cape
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
