Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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