physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Someone came in the potted fern
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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