Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
