Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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