I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
