Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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