Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
