I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
