I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
