Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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