Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
