The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
