She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
